Five Seconds
by DreamingBensidy
Summary: Five seconds was all it took. Five seconds changed several lives; forever. Five seconds was enough for life to flash before your eyes.
1. Chapter 1

_Five seconds was all it took. Five seconds changed several lives; forever. Five seconds was enough for life to flash before your eyes._

Brian had just finished a stake out with Nick when he returned to the precinct to find his pregnant wife still sitting at her desk. Her head was rested in her hands and he could tell by her posture just how tired she was.

"What are you still doing here?" he asked after a giving her a peck on the cheek, "you should be at home, resting."

Olivia sighed with a smile, "I was just waiting for you to get back."

"Well I'm back," he said already reaching for her coat, "let's go." He reached a hand out to help Olivia stand up and then held her coat open while Olivia slipped her arms inside. It was fall but Brian was being protective and making sure neither her or the baby were cold once they walked into the night air.

"I'm so tired," Olivia complained as she leaned into the Brian for support once inside the elevator. Brian wrapped an arm around her and gently rubbed at her lower back. It was the spot that was bothering her the most during the seven months of pregnancy.

"Have you had dinner yet? We could stop and pick something up. Any cravings?"

"Mm, cereal sounds good." Olivia looked up at Brian and smiled. Lately she had been craving Fruit Loops and whenever they were out Brian would trek to the store and pick up another box just for her.

"Cereal it is," he smiled. He leaned over to kiss Olivia on the nose jut before the elevator doors opened. During her pregnancy he noticed how much she glowed. Her skin seemed to just radiate the fact that she was with child now. He had never seen someone more beautiful.

Once outside of the precinct, Olivia snuggled more into her coat. The wind was blowing softly but the change from the heated building to the outdoors caused her to shiver.

"You okay?" Brian never missed a beat.

Olivia smiled warmly, "I'm fine. Just a little chilly is all." Brian quickly unlocked the car door and opened it for Olivia to get in. He shut it after her before making his way to the passenger side. He brought the car to life and turned the heat on low so Olivia could warm up.

"Let's get home," Brian said as he shifted the car into gear, "there's a nice warm bed calling our names."

Once they were back at the apartment, Olivia plopped down on the couch forgetting about how hungry she was. She was too exhausted to think about anything. The night before had been rough and she couldn't get comfortable, not to mention the twelve hour workday. She leaned her head back and closed her eyes wanting to fall asleep right there.

"Come on, Hon," Brian said reaching for her hand, "let's go get in bed. You're exhausted."

"Can't I just sleep here?" Olivia stuck her bottom lip out and gave him the puppy dog look.

"You would regret it in the morning," he replied as he helped pull her up. "Our bed is way more comfy."

Olivia followed Brian down the hallway and into their bedroom where she slipped out of her maternity pants and slipped into some pajama pants. She climbed under the covers and scooted close to the middle so she could cuddle with Brian.

"Try to sleep, Liv," Brian coaxed gently as he too scooted close to the middle.

"The baby's kicking again," Olivia groaned. She loved when the baby kicked but the only time that seemed to happen anymore was when she was just about to go to sleep. She felt Brian place his hand gently on her stomach just at the right time. A soft flutter scraped the inside of her stomach and Brian felt it on the palm of his hand. His face lit up.

"Go to sleep, little man," Brian whispered to her belly, "Mommy needs rest."

Olivia smiled. She loved this. She loved that she had a baby growing in her stomach and she loved that it was with Brian. She loved that her life had changed for the better and she wouldn't change it for the world.

"I think he listened," Olivia stated when the kicking stopped.

"Good," Brian said, punctuating his sentence with a kiss, "I love you."

"Love you too," she mumbled and without another word she was sound asleep and snoring ever so slightly.

Brian was awaken sometime during the night to something warm and sticky touching his leg. He crinkled his brow in wonder and flipped the covers off of him to reveal a rather large pile of deep red blood. He began to panic.

"Liv. Olivia! Wake up."

Olivia slowly opened her eyes, wondering why Brian was yelling at her in the middle of the night. She was exhausted. She was very tempted to ignore him and roll over to the other side when she saw that his hand was covered in blood.

"What happened?" she asked as she sat up in a panic.

"It's yours," he said hopping out of bed and throwing his pants on, searching for his cell phone.

Olivia's eyes widened as she looked down at her lap and saw that the blood had soaked through her sleep pants. "Oh God," she whispered as tears immediately filled her eyes. "No... no this isn't happening."

"Everything's going to be fine," Brian tried to assure her, "I'm going to call an ambulance." He finally found his phone on the floor which must have been knocked off of the nightstand sometimes while he was asleep. He dialed 911 with his shaky hands and told them to rush an ambulance to their apartment. He made sure the door was unlocked so the paramedics could get in and then he went back to Olivia's side.

"It's going to be okay," he whispered even though he wasn't so sure of his words. He held her hand tightly and kept brushing the hair out of her face. Her face was starting to pale and Brian noticed sweat beads forming on her hair line. He was praying that the paramedics would arrive soon.

"I'm so tired," Olivia complained as she closed her eyes. Her face was almost white as the ambulance sirens wailed in the near distance.

"You have to stay away, baby," Brian said as he let go of her hand to find a rag. He found one on the bathroom sink and ran it under cold water before bringing it back to Olivia and placing it on her head. "The ambulance is almost here." He saw a tear slip down Olivia's face and that's when his own eyes began to water. Bleeding was never a good thing when it came to pregnancy; especially so late in one.

"We lost him," Olivia choked out in a whisper, "we lost him..."

"Liv? Liv, honey, wake up. You have to wake up! Liv!" He grew frantic as Olivia finally lost consciousness. The tears that had been threatening to spill finally gushed out as he squeezed her hand tighter. He could hear the paramedics entering the apartment and he hollered at them so they would know where to go.

"You have to save them," Brian pleaded as they began to load her onto a gurney, "you have to."

"We'll do everything we can," the elder paramedic said to him before lifting up the gurney and beginning the process of carrying Olivia to the ambulance. Brian followed behind them and he never left Olivia's side until they arrived at the hospital and a nurse stopped him from going any further.

As he watched the hospital bed containing Olivia be rushed through the double doors that said 'emergency' he lost it. Tears streamed down his face as he sucked in a heavy breath. This couldn't be happening. Everything was going great and now his wife and unborn child were being rushed into emergency surgery. This wasn't how it was suppose to happen. He didn't know how he would cope if he lost either one of them. Before he could think of anything else he saw the doctor that had previously been with Olivia walk over to him. This couldn't be good if she was coming to give him news in a matter of five minutes. He was bracing himself for the worst.

"Sir?"

"It's Brian..."

"Brian, I'm afraid that I have a very important decision I need you to make and I don't have long to wait. Your wife and child... there's been a complication with the placenta and I don't have time to explain it right now. I can't save both of them."

Brian felt his heart speed up in his chest. Was this doctor asking him to chose between the love of his life and his child? His mouth fell open.

"Sir, I don't have long to wait."

Without thinking Brian replied, "My wife. Save my wife."


	2. Chapter 2

Brian stood there with his back against the cold wall, stunned as he tried to process the words that had just floated out of his mouth. He had just told the doctor to let his baby die. Olivia was never going to forgive him. He wouldn't blame her.

"Brian!" It was Fin. He rushed over to Brian's pale form and snapped at him when he didn't receive a response. "What happened with Liv? I heard the call on the portable."

Brian looked up at Fin with his tear filled eyes. "Uh... she was bleeding a-and I don't know. I don't know. The doctor... she s-said that she couldn't save both of them." He took a deep breath for continuing, "I told her to save Liv."

Fin sighed as he realized how dreary the situation was. He couldn't imagine having to choose something like that. Now he knew why Brian was crying. It was the first time he had ever seen it happen. "Come on," Fin said, "let's sit down." The two of them walked around the corner where there was a waiting room for emergent patients. Brian was silent except for his tears and Fin wondered if Brian was going to be alright.

"You did what you had to do," Fin offered quietly, "you saved Olivia. You can make another baby but you can't make another Liv."

Brian sniffed and buried his head in his hands. "I know... the baby didn't even have a chance. Liv's gonna hate me. If it were up to her..."

"If the role was reversed Olivia would chose the same thing," Fin assured him, "you know that. It may take her awhile to process the situation but she will understand."

Brian shook his head as he sat up straight and let out a sigh. "She wanted this baby more than anything," he said angrily, "only to have it be taken away from her." Brian stood up and started pacing. "I can't," he seethed, "I can' be here when she gets the news." With that said he stormed off and before Fin could stop him he had gone.

It wasn't long after that that a doctor wearing dark blue scrubs came out of the double doors. She came into the waiting room and called for Brian's name, looking around and noticing he wasn't there. Fin stood up and introduced himself and explain to the surgeon what had happened. "So, how is she?"

"She's just come out of surgery," the lady began explaining, "she's still a bit out of it. She lost quite a lot of blood before getting here so we gave her a blood transfusion during the surgery. She'll be sore for a few days but she's expected to make a full recovery."

Fin nodded; that was at least some good news. "And the baby?"

The look on Dr. Kinley's face said it all. "I'm very sorry," she whispered, "but we couldn't save them both. Mrs. Cassidy is in room 203 if you'd like to see her. She hasn't been told the news yet." Without saying anything else Dr. Kinley returned back through the big doors that said emergency on them.

Fin was left standing in the middle of the waiting room feeling the walls close in. Brian should be the one Olivia sees when she first comes out of surgery. He should be the one holding her while she cries for the loss of the baby. Fin knew that Brian would soon come to his senses but until then he was going to have to be the one comforting Olivia. He made his way to the elevator and punched the button to the second floor. The ride seemed to take an eternity but it gave him time to think about what he was going to say if Olivia asked.

"Bri?" Olivia had heard the door squeak open and she was a bit scared. She knew she was in the hospital but she didn't remember why. Her memory was all fuzzy.

"It's Fin."

"Was I shot?"

Fin felt his heart literally cracking as he listened to the emotion behind Olivia's question. He could hear the raw tears coating her throat and he knew that she was worried about her baby. "No," he said quietly as he approached her bedside, "no, you weren't shot."

"Then what happened?" She looked up at him with her big brown eyes beginning to water.

Fin scratched the back of his head before responding, "Brian told me that he woke up and you were bleeding. He called an ambulance and they rushed you into surgery. Something about your placenta being on the wrong end. I don't know much..."

Olivia nodded and tried to lift herself into a sitting position, regretting it immediately as a sharp pain exploded in her abdomen.

"Easy!" Fin warned as he helped her to lay back down, "you just had surgery."

"Is Brian with the baby? Can you get him? I want to see them. We haven't even picked out a name yet. I thought I still had time... Have you seen him? Does he look like me?" The smile on Olivia's face when she talked about the baby made Fin's heart crack even more. There was no way he could break the news to her.

Fin reached over the railing of the bed and grabbed Olivia's hand. He was just about to open his mouth and explain what had happened when Brian entered the room.

"Hey," Olivia said with a smile, "where's the baby? I want to see him."

Fin shot an apologizing glance toward Brian before letting go of Olivia's hand and excusing himself from the room. He knew they needed time.

"Liv..." Brian walked closer to her bedside and kissed her gently on her temple before reaching for her hand and grasping it firmly. "I don't know how to tell you this..." His eyes began watering as her mouth turned to cotton. He watched as Olivia's face went from excited to worried. He squeezed her hand harder before shaking his head.

"Bri..."

"He didn't make it," Brian whispered as the tears cascaded down his cheeks. "I'm sorry. I am so, so sorry."

Olivia was dumbstruck. She didn't believe the words coming out of Brian's mouth. The baby was fine. Healthy. Perfect. She didn't understand. Her mouth was slightly ajar as she processed the information.

"I... why?" Olivia looked at Brian through her own tear filled eyes as she tried to wrap her head around everything that was happening. "Why?" she asked again when he didn't answer. "Why was he taken from us? What did I do wrong? I never got to see him. I-I..."

Brian couldn't take it any longer and he climbed onto the hospital bed, careful of Olivia's surgery site, and wrapped his arms around her shaking form. "Let it out," he whispered as he squeezed her as hard as he could without hurting her. He wasn't ready yet to tell her that it was all his fault. She would find out soon enough and she would hate him. Right now though, he just needed to make sure that she was okay.

"I'm sorry," he whispered, "I'm sorry..."


	3. Chapter 3

Brian had decided to tell Olivia what had happened before one of the nurses or doctors accidentally spilled it. He wanted Olivia to hear this from him and know his reasoning for choosing her. She didn't get angry... she couldn't. She loved Brian more than anything. Right now, she was grieving. She collapsed into his arms and sobbed until she felt like there were no more tears left.

"I did everything right," she whispered as she pulled away from Brian and let her head fall back onto the thin hospital pillow. "Everything. I didn't drink caffeine, I didn't eat sugary foods, I didn't over work myself... I don't understand how this happened." She closed her eyes and pursed her lips as a small rippled of pain shot through her stomach where her baby used to be.

"You okay?"

Olivia shook her head, "What if I can't get pregnant again? We tried so hard, Bri."

"We'll keep trying," Brian promised.

Olivia sighed, "when do I get to go home?"

"Tomorrow," Brian answered, climbing off of the bed because he had to use the bathroom. He stopped when Olivia grabbed a hold of his hand.

"Don't leave me."

"I'm not," Brian assured her, he had no idea where that came from. He would never leave her. He couldn't. "I'm just going to the bathroom."

Olivia reluctantly let go of his hand and smiled softly when he bent over the railing to kiss her on the forehead.

**Bensidy Apartment**

"Take it easy," Brian said as he helped her wobble into the living room to sit down on the couch. She was still a bit sore from the emergency C-section and she was on strict orders to think things easy for the next few weeks.

"I got it," Olivia snapped as she jerked away from him, regretting the movement as soon she had. She had been snapping with him more and more lately and she wasn't exactly sure why. She was dealing with the loss of what was once going to be her little boy. She was already filled with nerves about having to clean out the nursery and Brian treating her like an invalid was only adding to her stress.

"I'm just trying to help, Liv."

"I know," she snapped again, "I know. I'm sorry."

Brian nodded but didn't comment as he shut the door with his foot and carried Olivia's bag containing her clothes into the laundry room and into the washer. When he walked back into the living room Olivia was crying again.

"Liv..." he said in a voice just above a whisper. He didn't need to ask why she was crying. He made his way over to her and wrapped his arm around her, kissing her gently on the temple. "I know," he whispered into her ear, "I know. Let it out. I'm right here. I'm right here, Liv." He rubbed her back as she continued to let out heart-wrenching sobs. He wished he could make this easier. How do you comfort someone when you're hurting too? How do you comfort someone who just lost a baby? "I wish I could fix this," he added. "It's all my fault..."

"Brian, don't say that. This isn't your fault." She looked him in the eyes and that's when she realized that she was being selfish. Brian had lost the baby too and he was the one who had to make the decision. She couldn't imagine how he must be feeling.

"I feel like it is," Brian admitted, "they asked me to pick," he chuckled, "can you believe that? Why couldn't they save both of you? They didn't even try."

"It's not your fault," Olivia repeated, reaching for his hand and squeezing it tight, "I don't blame you and you can't blame yourself. We will get through this. We get through everything." A small smile appeared on her lips when she realized what she had said. They had been through so much together and this was just another bump in the road. Of course it was hard and incredibly sad but, they would get through it; together.

Brian was speechless so he showed Olivia how he felt instead. He leaned in and passionately kissed her lips, letting their natural sparks fly. "I love you more than anything."

"I love you too," Olivia said as she cupped his cheek. "I hate to ruin the moment but... do you think you can order some pizza or something? I'm starved."

Brian cracked a smile. He knew in that moment that things would end up okay, sure they would be hard but with Olivia by his side he could get through anything. "Of course. Anything for you, my love."

Brian picked up his phone to see that he had two missed calls from his mom. He knew that if he didn't call her back soon she would come over because that's the type of mother she was; always worrying. "We have to tell my mom..."

Olivia swallowed harshly, "call her and invite her over. She can have pizza with us and we can tell her then."

"Are you sure you feel up to it tonight?"

"She needs to know," Olivia nodded, "plus your mom gives really good hugs."

Brian agreed, his mother had that tough that just made everything better. Olivia really enjoyed having Joanna around because she never got to experience what having a loving mother was like before. Joanna was always there when Olivia had a problem and always there to offer advice and to console with loving hugs.

"She's going to want to spend the night," Brian added with an annoyed look on his face.

"It'll be fine, Bri. I like having your mother visit."

Brian sighed and pressed the call button on his phone. He would wait to tell her the news until she arrived. She would noticed something wasn't right as soon as she saw Olivia. If it wasn't her smaller stomach that gave it away it was her eyes that remained red rimmed and puffy. This was going to be a long night.

**Next: Telling Brian's mother and cleaning the nursery. **


End file.
